Out of the darkness

Cancer Free

Today is a happy day.  It’s my chemoversary, and I’m EXCITED!!!

Today I had my routine 3 month physical checkup with Dr. Sharman, my oncologist at Willamette Valley Cancer Institute in Eugene, OR.  I thought it was pretty cool that the appointment landed on my one year chemoversary.  By the way, I’m not sure that’s a real word, but get used to it, because I’m going to use it. 🙂

For those of you that live here locally, you know what an amazingly gorgeous day today was.  The sun was blazing, the air was crisp, and it was just an all around perfect fall day.  As my car was winding down the parking garage I got to reflecting back on this past year and a half.  It’s been a very dark time.  Not just for me, but for our whole family.  We have been faced with things and situations that we never dreamed we would have to consider.  I’d like to think that we’ve all learned major lessons, however, I can really only speak for myself.  I have learned that I’m stronger than I thought I was.

I turned another corner and went down another level in the garage.  One year ago, I was doing this.  It’s 1:52 pm.  Was my chemo appointment in the morning?  I’m thinking it was.  I could have been leaving this place at this exact time a year ago.

Another corner.  There’s been so many changes.  I have a cute hairstyle now.  And even though it’s got more grey than I used to have, I kind of like it. 🙂  It’s natural highlighting.  I think I can rock the grey.

Another corner.  I’m almost to the ground floor.  This feels great!  I don’t have to come here again for another 3 months, and I don’t have to have a PET scan the next time!  Apparently I’ve been PET negative long enough, that the doctor said we can do a regular CT scan, because now we’re just looking for growth changes.  I can handle that.  Heck, it’s going to be a LOT cheaper of a test & I don’t have to do the whole no-carb prep thing, sounds like a win-win to me!

Finally, I can see the exit.  It’s really bright.  The sun is shining.  The symbolism does not escape me.  Here I am, leaving a dark parking garage and entering a beautiful day – a lot like my life.  I’m leaving that dark time where it seemed like I was going in circles.  Now I’m entering a bright and vibrant era…  The future looks wonderful, and I’m here to experience it.

I’m getting closer to the outside.  The rectangle of the exit area is getting larger and larger.  It’s getting brighter.  I’m leaving the dark garage.

Now’s my chance.  Do I pull into a parking spot & just stay here?  Are you kidding?  When there’s so much out there in the light?  I drive on.  Out of the darkness.

Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.


4 thoughts on “Out of the darkness

  1. Incredible, Kristin. So proud of you. And so thankful to our loving Heavenly Father who sometimes takes us places we don’t want to go, assures us He will be with us there too, and brings us to places we could never have imagined.
    “Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction….whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice…saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:20,21)
    And He says: “You are my servant…I am with you…I will strengthen you and help you” (Isaiah 41:9,10)

    I praise Him with you that He has done, is doing, and will continue to do just exactly as He promised.

    T o
    R est
    U nder
    S overeign
    T ending

    Love, Mom

  2. I must add a little more. Your analogy is excellent, Kristin. It is with great clarity I remember the deeply felt emotions of driving into that parking garage, of sitting beside your chemo chair, of aching/praying/and yes, even praising, with you, while tears were either just under the surface or flowing freely. (Sometimes they still are!….but now they are of joy.) We have moments in the darkness to treasure together – didn’t want to go down that road – but there we were; and by His grace we grew in the midst of it – in relationship with one another, in trust and relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
    I read these profound words of Oswald Chambers today. They require some serious “processing”:
    “Our understanding of God is the answer to prayer; getting things from God is God’s indulgence of us. When God stops giving us things, He brings us into the place where we can begin to understand Him. As long as we get from God everything we ask, we never get to know Him. We look upon Him as a blessing-machine that has nothing to do with His character or with ours.
    “Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.” Then why pray? To get to know our Father. It is not sufficient for us to say, “Oh yes, God is love.” We have to know He is love. We have to struggle through until we see that He is love and justice. Then our prayer is answered.”
    And you drove out of the “darkness”, into that kind of Light.

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