Sometimes It’s Hard to Write

I have a friend that is a real writer. You know, the kind that write books that get published and people actually buy to read. Her name is Karen Barnett. She recently got back from a writer’s convention or conference or something where she had even been nominated for an award. (Man, I really hope I’m getting the details correctly.) Me, I just blog. And I don’t do that very well sometimes. But I think that comes with the territory.

Like right now. I’m pecking away on my iPad, because I can’t sleep. I overdid it today. I know I did. But that’s ok, because I can rest tomorrow. Thank goodness for meds, though when you’ve taken everything the doctors say to take in order to get some sleep and you still can’t, that’s not a good sign. I do feel like I accomplished something today though. I got through a bunch of drawers of craft stuff that I haven’t touched in what seems like years, and whittled it down a lot. I figure the local Boys & Girls club can use the sequins, Pom poms, and felt ornament kits more than I will have time to. And my kids don’t seem to have the same interests as I did when I was younger, so they aren’t likely to use them either.

Uh oh, I must have disrupted the cat. She moved from where she was cuddled up beside me. Tom hasn’t been able to sleep well either lately. He’s out in the garage playing with a jigsaw that he bought a few weeks ago. He has some big dreams about making puzzles and having Sharolyn do some painting on them. They started one of an ostrich & I have to admit its starting to look not too bad. Of course, once he got a finer blade for the saw so that it didn’t look like a shark had chewed the pieces out of the scraps of wood that he’s been using, that helped too.

We had a good talk tonight. Fear has been real here. It’s nice being able to finally get to this point where we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But beating that battle has only made other fears and concerns come to the top. I have been so glad for the incredibly unseasonal weather. I don’t want the rain. Not because I don’t like the rain – I LOVE hearing it pour. Knowing I’m cozy and warm in my house. But last year we were thinking that the roof looked like it needed to maybe be replaced, so we had a couple different contractors come out and take a look at it. They thought it would be fine for another year, and it was. But I was supposed to be able to work this year and get a new roof put on. Um, that didn’t quite happen. In fact, last year when I crawled the ridge of the house to put moss-be-gone stuff on it (because I didn’t want Tom on the roof repeating the broken back fall of 2010 – or was it 09? who knows – I noticed that the ridge line was showing some cracking, but not any holes or anything. Well a couple months ago I was trying to make good on a “promise” to Blaine about putting some stuff on his walls in his room, and in the process of trying to find a stud in the wall, I found daylight where it shouldn’t be, a quarter sized hole in the ridge above his room. So I’m glad for the sunshine. It means one more day that I don’t have to worry about rain coming in where it shouldn’t.

Then today, I got a wonderful gift of works from my friends, Lionel & Kristen Wilson. They sent over the sweetest gal named Emma, that did some organizing and cleaning in my kitchen. I don’t know about you, but sometimes time gets away from me, and I don’t get to things that are important, like cleaning out cupboards. I mean, it’s one of those things you can put off. That is, until you have moths flying out of your cupboard like kamikaze pilots. Then you have to quit putting it off. Except now, I think my mom would kill me if she caught me standing on my countertops. And to put it honestly, I’m thinking my balance isn’t so great, so I should probably stay off them.

Then there’s always that stuff that happens when people don’t understand what people are like inside. Tom is the best, most wonderful husband ever, but not everybody realizes that there are truly good people that don’t have ulterior motives going on inside when they do things on the outside. I have to admit, I’m even at fault sometimes for taking his actions the wrong way. In the process of someone just being kind and giving, people see (or think they see) more into something. Then people get hurt. Then hurt people hurt other people, and they hurt other people. And soon we are all hurting. It’s just not fair. He’s had to face the fears of “what if Kristin dies, how will I take care of the kids? How will their needs be met?” I know we have tons of wonderful friends, but truly, in the middle of a crisis like cancer, you don’t think or act clearly. People going through stuff like this need extra grace not judgment.

Oh, another thing that happened recently was that my dishwasher quit. Now, I’ve been without a “real” dishwasher for probably 14 years, cuz we moved from our new house before the kids were born. I’ve had portable ones, but truly, they don’t work quite the same. So recently, I’m loading the dishwasher like normal, putting in the little brick of Finish dishwasher detergent, and open the dishwasher at the end of the cycle only to find a crumbled up brick still lying there mushy from the humidity in the machine, but definitely without clean dishes. It worked off & on for a while. If I’d stand there and keep starting it over & over until I heard water coming into the machine. But one day a couple weeks ago it just wasn’t going to pump the water anymore. Now here’s God’s sense of humor. He KNOWS Tom doesn’t like junk hanging around the house, so what does HE do? HE sends LikeNu Appliance to deliver a refrigerator to the neighbor’s house – while they’re not home. Guess what? They take non-working appliances from your house for free! Junk be gone! But then, no dishwasher, not even a gimpy one. So with all the Sears ads we did some shopping and I got a great deal on a new Maytag. Gonna go built in, but that means I lose a cabinet, drawer & cutting board. Ouch. I use those things…a lot… But you gotta do what you gotta do. So since there’s demolition involved, I can’t really go with a home job, I need someone who knows what they’re doing, hence a contractor. Casey Hooley had just done some work for my mom and put some beautiful vinyl wainscoting up in her kitchen, so I asked him to come bid the job for me. He did fantastic work and I have a new working dishwasher IN my kitchen! Oh the simple joys. But in the process of this, it needed to be electrified (for lack of a better word). But we couldn’t do that because we had what had to be the original fuse box from when this house was built in 1948. And it was having it’s issues too. If you whacked anywhere near the box, the main would flicker off. (This is not a good problem by the way.) So Dennis from McLain Electric came and changed out the panel and gave us a circuit for the dishwasher – YAY!

As most of you know, if you start a home improvement project, it usually will morph into something that you didn’t expect, like dry rot or something equally fun. This project hasn’t disappointed, but has been a little more merciful than I expected. So far, I think the only thing we have left to do that’s tied to the electric panel-dishwasher job, is an unexpected leak under the house. Naturally. Oh, and then today Emma put some contact paper down in the cabinet under the sink because the wood was looking so bad. It was a good thing she did that, because when she was all done, there was a generous sized puddle in one spot and a smaller one in another under the dual sink. At least the plumber hasn’t been here yet. I’m definitely going to get some issues taken care of while he’s here. I might even add the loose toilet and the shower diverter that has never worked right since we moved in while he’s at it.

It’s 1:25 am. I guess the meds didn’t work. I should be conked out right now. Well, at least I got some writing done. Maybe that will free up space in my mind so I can sleep now. I hear Tom coming in. I guess I’ll call it a night. Definitely wrote a lot more than I planned. Talk to you later.


One thought on “Sometimes It’s Hard to Write

  1. Well I must say that was a lot of writing for something titled “Sometimes it’s hard to write”!!! I’m glad you got it out of your head and into your blog. What an excellent way of using a sleepless night.

    Thank you for sharing. It’s never a dull moment in the Smith house!! I’m sending you prayers of love and support. Know that I think of you and your family often.

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