Home Again

I was able to go home from the hospital yesterday. My Aunt Nancy & Uncle Steve Aerni were going to come visit and they ended up taking us to dinner and then home instead.

While it’s nice to be home, I am finding that some of my biggest battles are inside me. Ever since my fever got so high, I’ve been scared. Scared of what? I don’t know, a little bit of everything I guess. Scared that the fever will come back. Scared that I won’t be able to catch my breath. Scared for my kids. Scared that I should be doing something more, but what? Scared that I’m resting too much, or maybe not enough. It’s hard to know what to do.

I’m so close to being done with my treatments and this seems like such a huge setback. In all this, I know that God is in control, it just seems so easy to forget when you’re facing scary stuff.

I keep my cell phone on my nightstand at night. This morning I woke up to a text coming in. It was from my mom. It was a verse she had found while she was reading her Bible: Psalm 71:20 –

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

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5 thoughts on “Home Again

  1. What an unusual person you would be, if you weren’t scared. How many times did Jesus say, “Fear not.”. He knows life can be very scary. He didn’t scold anyone for being frightened, He just reassured us that He understands and is with us. He said “Fear not” a lot because He knows we need to be reassured a lot! “Be strong and of a good courage. Be not afraid, for the Lord thy God is with you, whithersoever thou goest” Joshua 1:9

  2. Oh, dear, Kristin – I agree with your mom and with Terry! You are going through a very scary ordeal – and who wouldn’t be scared! My love and prayers are with you often thru the day and night – Be strong in the Lord and Cast all of your cares on Him! Again and again and again. He knows – for He has created you – and He understands all of your concerns – and He has a perfect plan for you! Love you much!

  3. This is “mom” speaking. Tuesday evening Kristin mentioned she may want me to write as a “guest author” on her blog from my perspective; but I’m not the writer she is. Yet I feel I could write a “book” about this horrific journey we are on that none of us have asked for. My mind is muddled and time is so very limited that IF I have a chance to write I may post something to my own blog (journal) for which there is a link here at the right of this page – entitled “My Mom’s Musings”. However, if you go there now you will find I haven’t posted much lately…and that’s because there’s little time or energy to do so. However, I will make some comments here. For one, Donna McDonald (above comment) “what [mom] is made of” had me asking what that erally is and thinking of the Psalm 100:3 verse which in KJV says in part “…it is He who has made us and not we ourselves…” 🙂 In II Corinthians 4 (NIV) the apostle Paul discusses treasures in jars of clay. In verse 6 & 7, it says “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” My favorite encouraging speech is one by Christian comedian, Patsy Clairmont, entitled “God Uses Cracked Pots” and then she adds “and I’m the visual aid”. So, Donna, that’s what I’m made of too – cracked clay. It is my desire that the light of Christ (true Treasure) shows through those cracks and gives Light into darkness. “Poor God”, that’s all He has to work with, isn’t it: cracked pots! I am so grateful He can use us if we let Him. He is, after all, the Potter referred to in Isaiah 45:9 and Romans 9:20-21, and can remake us. This entire saga of Kristin’s illness is, I believe, a remaking process for many. I was reading in Lamentations 3 recently and came across a wonderfully familiar reassurance, but what struck me this time was the verse before it. Found in verses 21 and 23, this: “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed., for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!” But because I AM a “cracked pot”, I feel “consumed” (or nearly so anyway) and struggle with weakness and doubt and wonder why trusting is so hard. Maybe it’s in part because I’m a mom, and one of the greatest pains in parenting is watching your children suffer……….but through that very suffering I came to realize during another crisis in Kristin’s life that God Himself understands that pain better than any of us can. He SENT His Son to suffer…..for me….for you…..John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” So I guess I wrote a “chapter” of the book, Kristin. You are teaching courage, strength, perseverance, and so much more in this battle. In the words of a current song “don’t give up!”, Love, Mom

  4. Mom’s are something! Kristin, I am praying for you! I don’t even know you all that well…as a fellow Christian and my Realtor…. but what you have shown me of yourself is full of life! Keep trusting God to be your comfort and your joy!
    Sisters in Christ Jesus,
    Karmen

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