When I think of lazy summer days, it doesn’t usually include me lying in a bed, but that’s exactly where I was on Monday this week. I didn’t hardly get out of it. Sometimes I think that isn’t a good thing, but other times I know it’s exactly what my body needs.
Chemo this time took it out of me – well for a few days at least. Sharolyn came with mom & I for this session. It didn’t feel like it was that hard, but when I left the “lounge”, I could tell my balance was off and I was definitely not the spritely person that walked into there hours earlier. In fact, for the first time ever, one of the nurses asked me to make sure I wasn’t driving. No chance of that right then.
My visit with Dr. Sharman went really well. It was nice getting to chat with him again since he’s been gone most of my last appointments. I discussed the whole “remission” thing with him, because I wanted to hear HIS take on all of it. He said that he hesitates to use the word remission because that tends to imply that even though we can’t see it, the cancer is still there. In his professional experience, he’s found that when we can get a PET negative (cancer not showing up) scan, he said that’s more of a sign that it’s a CURE, not just remission. I’m GOOD with that!!! (I sure hope I remembered what he said correctly. If you’re reading this Dr. Sharman, feel free to correct me. 🙂 ) I’ve also linked his blog to my sidebar so if you’re interested in the scientific side of this he does a good job of explaining stuff.
After chemo we went to take a look at a flute that Sharolyn found on Craigslist (one of the reasons she went along). It didn’t turn out to be what we were wanting, but while I was sitting in the chemo chair, we did find a nicer one (just like the one she’s been borrowing for the past year). We made some calls on it Friday night & it turns out it was only played for about 4 hours total! I’m so blessed to have a mom that’s willing to be my wheels when I need it. She ended up driving us to Beaverton on Saturday morning to take a look at this one, and it was perfect! It even still had the plastic around the flute from when the lady had gotten it, and the original price tag on it as well! Sharolyn got a GOOD deal, we’ll just say that. 🙂
On Tuesday, Mom took me back to Eugene to get some more fluids. You know, I didn’t necessarily feel like I NEEDED them at the time, but by yesterday evening, I was feeling so much better.
I’ve felt lately like I haven’t been able to smile as much. I don’t know why. One of the nurses said it isn’t uncommon for a cancer patient to struggle a bit with depression after they get through chemo. I wonder if that’s the same for when you get a remission-type diagnosis. It wouldn’t surprise me. It seems like I’ve been fighting & swimming upstream for so long, and now I can relax a bit more, maybe that’s it. I found an interesting verse in Job today. I don’t usually like to hang out in Job, he seems to be depressed a lot, but on a search of the word “smile” this verse seemed a bit appropriate:
“If I say, ‘I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile, I still dread all my sufferings…'” ~ Job 9:27-28a
I think that could sum it up a bit. I’ve been practicing though. Did you know, that just by smiling (even when you don’t feel like doing it inside) it can make you feel better? I guess David knew what he was talking about when he wrote:
“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but a heartache crushes the spirit.” ~ Proverbs 15:13
So do me a favor today and when you don’t feel like it, try to just stretch out those cheeks and smile. You never know, it might be the start to a better day. In fact, I feel a smile coming on right now!