When Words Attack

This round of chemo seems to have been tougher than the last.  I’ve heard that can be the case, but until you actually experience it, it doesn’t seem real.

For the first time in what seems like weeks, I was able to sleep in on Sunday morning.  It felt so good to get the rest my body needs.  Still, I was tired and feeling nauseous even after waking up.  I’ve been trying to do some much delayed digital paperwork lately, so I worked on that.  It’s just not right.  I mean, I’m just SITTING there.  I’m not doing anything physical.  Yet, I’m so tired.  It’s like the zest for life has just been sucked out from me.  At this point in my chemo cycle, it pretty much has.

Mom came over yesterday & picked me up so we could have lunch with Grandpa & Grandma Gerig.  I think this is the first time ever that all of our husbands have been gone at the same time.  Tom & the kids were camping, and Mark & Dad had gone to the claim in Southern Oregon.  So we got Chinese take-out and had a Father’s Day dinner with Grandpa.  It was nice to share that time with them.

The family came home from camping yesterday afternoon.  I’m so glad that they had a fun time.  I have to say there was a little bit of internal gloating to hear my daughter say, “Mom, I can understand now why we don’t go camping more often.” Me: “Why, because it ends up that the burden falls mainly on one person?”  Sharolyn: “Yeah.” 🙂  At least one person is picking up on all the work that this mom normally does. 🙂

This morning my aunt Patty Gerig came to take me to my hydration therapy session.  We were able to visit on the way down & throughout my infusion.  Dang it, but they couldn’t get blood again.  The Heparin didn’t help, so they gave me TPA again to try & dissolve the sheath that had probably regrown over the end of the cathether.  I wonder what they plan to do if this is a consistent problem…

…6 hours later…

I feel a lot better this afternoon & evening after the fluids.  Even good enough to play over 10 rounds of Phase 10.  And I almost won!  (Still need to work on the level-headed emotions though. 🙂 )  Attitude is everything.  There are times that I can feel the wrong words just sitting there, inside my head, on the tip of my tongue.  My heart says, “DON’T SAY IT!”  My head says, “Don’t say it.”  Oftentimes, my flesh wins and I end up saying it.  And then regret it miserably.The New Living Translation of the Bible puts it quite succinctly:

Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.  Proverbs 21:23  

Yep, that verse is for me.

I am also reminded of a picture I saw on Facebook this morning.  I don’t usually quote a lot of Native American stories, but they often have some very good lessons.  The one I saw today seems highly appropriate for this blog.  I’ll just summarize the jist of the story:

There are two wolves that fight in me.
The one wolf is evil: He is fear, anger, envy, worry, regret, sorrow, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other wolf is good:  He is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion & faith.
Which one will win?
The one I feed.

Makes you think, huh?
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2 thoughts on “When Words Attack

  1. ANOTHER great blog, Kristin! I Just read Romans 7: 18 – 19 in my devotions this am. Same subject. Hang in there.

    Donna

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