I’m struggling this week with writing. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because I don’t know how to say it. My goal of this blog is not to be a place to complain, yet I do need to be real.
Those of you who care about me and read this blog know that I’m not a person that wants to go around & whine all the time – I can’t stand people like that. But yesterday it just got too much for me. So far, each morning this week, I have woken up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. Every muscle in my body aches. I could take prescription meds for it, but then I’d have all the other side-effects that make life yucky. Sometimes I don’t know what is worse, feeling cruddy with the natural consequences of chemo, or feeling cruddy from those side-effects. It’s like a lose-lose situation – I can think clearly & hurt, or I can be foggy headed & not hurt. Neither option is pleasant, but one of them is necessary.
Since my hair started coming out last Friday, I can just run my hands through my hair and it comes out. I’ve been telling people lately, “God knows the hairs on my head, but I’m keeping him on his toes!” I can just imagine Him up there in Heaven, busy about His other “duties” and looking down here saying, “Kristin, quit that! There goes another 12…” LOL So I was pulling out some pajamas last night, and came across a scarf. I thought I’d try putting it on. I knew that I didn’t know how to do it right, and that it probably looked a little goofy, but when Tom started grinning & chuckling at it, I just lost it. I know he wasn’t meaning to be hurtful, but I couldn’t help but be hurt. It’s rough enough knowing that soon I’ll be bald, but I think part of the reason it scares me is because I don’t know how to make myself look nice.
I am so grateful for all the prayers and good thoughts. Thank you. I saw a post on Facebook today that I liked and hope you enjoy it too.
Sometimes, I just want to be done with the journey, yet I know the road is still so long ahead of me. Please pray for strength not only for me, but for others battling this evil disease.