A Glimpse into my Thoughts…

I’m struggling this week with writing.  Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because I don’t know how to say it. My goal of this blog is not to be a place to complain, yet I do need to be real.

Those of you who care about me and read this blog know that I’m not a person that wants to go around & whine all the time – I can’t stand people like that.  But yesterday it just got too much for me.  So far, each morning this week, I have woken up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck.  Every muscle in my body aches.  I could take prescription meds for it, but then I’d have all the other side-effects that make life yucky. Sometimes I don’t know what is worse, feeling cruddy with the natural consequences of chemo, or feeling cruddy from those side-effects.  It’s like a lose-lose situation – I can think clearly & hurt, or I can be foggy headed & not hurt.  Neither option is pleasant, but one of them is necessary.

Since my hair started coming out last Friday, I can just run my hands through my hair and it comes out.  I’ve been telling people lately, “God knows the hairs on my head, but I’m keeping him on his toes!” I can just imagine Him up there in Heaven, busy about His other “duties” and looking down here saying, “Kristin, quit that! There goes another 12…” LOL  So I was pulling out some pajamas last night, and came across a scarf.  I thought I’d try putting it on.  I knew that I didn’t know how to do it right, and that it probably looked a little goofy, but when Tom started grinning & chuckling at it, I just lost it.  I know he wasn’t meaning to be hurtful, but I couldn’t help but be hurt.  It’s rough enough knowing that soon I’ll be bald, but I think part of the reason it scares me is because I don’t know how to make myself look nice.

I am so grateful for all the prayers and good thoughts.  Thank you.  I saw a post on Facebook today that I liked and hope you enjoy it too.
Sometimes, I just want to be done with the journey, yet I know the road is still so long ahead of me.  Please pray for strength not only for me, but for others battling this evil disease.
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8 thoughts on “A Glimpse into my Thoughts…

  1. My thoughts are with you Kristin and my prayers. I know many people have told you this but no amount of hair can make you anymore beautiful than you already are. Your spirit is BEAUTIFUL and it SHINES my dear.

  2. The emotional spectrum of the cancer journey is unbelievable. Huge ups…and huge downs. And all reactions can be triggered by the smallest little things that you’ve never thought about before. You can’t fake your way through it. I appreciate this post because of its genuine sincerity. In a way, your cancer journey is a little like living for the first time each day. Sounds funny, but I think its true.

  3. Thank you for having the courage to be real. I’m praying for you, as I know so many others are. I love the picture/quote you put on this post. I just sat here for the longest time trying to think of what to write…no luck…I just wish I could make it better. (((Hugs)))

  4. Kristen,
    Check out the scarfs at look good feel better. The room where they have the wigs may have scarfs, hats to help you. You are brave and a warrior!

    Keep on keepin on girlfriend!
    Rosalie

  5. I am a hodgkins lymphoma survivor and I have been where you are and felt the way you feel! I just wanted you to know you are not alone! I loved the soft hats they were comfy that is what worked for me. Keep your chin up and I want to say thanks for sharing. Wish I had done what you are doing while I was going through treatment. You will help someone, especially if you stay telling the truth, and the truth isn’t always rosey and happy when you are dealing with cancer!

  6. Dang I thought you’ve been entirely to cheery. I would be a negative nelly for sure. We’re here to hold you up! You dont have to be perfect for us!!! And you have a really good sense of style. When you start wearing scarves, I’m sure you will ROCK IT!

  7. Kristin, I so appreciate your willingness to so real & vulnerable. The yuckiness, baldness, and all over cruddiness is just as much a part of your journey. Please do feel like you need to protect others from the truth of your journey. You are a truly inspiring woman of God! Even during your sharing of the hard parts, God’s character shines through you. I continue to lift you up to the Father in prayer. ❤

  8. Dear Kristin, Thank you for being real; thank you for sharing. I know you want to be positive and stay positive and only want to blog the positives!! But I am happy that you took the risk and shared with us that you had a “crappy” day!!!!! We all want to be there for you through thick and thin!!! (Okay, sorry for the punn!!!) And I know that you are beautiful inside and out. Your love of God, your love of life, the love you have for your family and friends makes you exude beauty. So no matter how badly you’re feeling, no matter how not- so-pretty you’re feeling all I see is a BEAUTIFUL Kristin who is loved by many.

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